July 2024

www.richtaylorcoaching.com rich@richtaylorcoaching.com FB: @richtaylorcoaching IG: @richtaylorcoaching DIshOnEst haRmOny JULy 2024 This month’s article was initially going to focus on understanding your worth in relationships, particularly when you don’t feel safe expressing your thoughts. However, I’ve been encouraged to share a recent personal experience that resonated deeply not only within myself, but also with many others. If this resonates with you, I would love to hear about it. (www.facebook.com/richtaylorcoaching ). ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Returning to a place that caused me immense pain so many years ago, but also set me on a profound journey of self-reflection, awareness, and growth, fills me with pride for the man I have become. Today, I revisit this area as a much happier, healthier, and most importantly, wiser, and empowered individual. Digging deep, I fully understands and acknowledges the psychological damage inflicted on me back then. Mental warfare that once affected me no longer holds any power. It is life changing to know, “I got me” no matter what I face. A true validation of the growth I worked so hard for. As I sit and reflect on my past experiences, I ponder how I can best address similar experiences when working with clients. What is the best way to explain their trauma in the most direct manner? A way that is not triggering yet provides an honest description of what they are experiencing. No sugar-coating, no bullshit—just a straightforward view to consider as a starting point for reflection and promote change. I refer to this approach as “ Dishonest Harmony .” Dysfunctional families often avoid addressing problems directly, preferring to push it away as a non-issue, or offer nonsensical excuses to maintain the illusion of a stable family structure. A key characteristic of such families is their reluctance to delve into underlying conflicts. This tendency stems from a preference for dishonest harmony over honest/healthy conflict and resolve. They find genuine conflict uncomfortable and opt to ignore problems, pretending they don’t exist. As a result, relationships within the family remain shallow and superficial, creating a false sense of harmony. When someone attempts to address an issue, the family often turns on that person, treating them as the problem and urging them to “Just get over it” or “Let it go to keep the peace.” This reaction occurs because acknowledging issues disrupts their idealized image of the family. Thus, they choose to shut down discussions and maintain a facade of harmony, even if it means perpetuating dishonesty (dishonest harmony). ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Understanding trauma behavior is a critical step toward healing and transformation. It allows individuals to break free from the chains of past trauma, fosters personal and relational growth, and contributes to a more compassionate and informed society. Knowledge is power. 7